"Slinging" Praises to the Gods of Injury Recovery

I decided to continue the punning.

So, as it turns out, I have strained my rotator cuff muscles. Pro- I don't have to wear a sling. Con- I have to have physical therapy. Pro- My physical therapy includes massage. So let me use my injury as a teaching moment for anyone who reads this:

Do NOT wear just socks when going down stairs, regardless of the amount of flights.


Now, in the spirit of punning, I shall blog about my Shakespeare class. (If that went over anyone's head, it is because Shakespeare LOVED puns.)

My Shakespeare professor is a 30-something-year-old man, who undoubtedly could have been a member of Sesame Street's multicultural, actual human being cast had he chosen a less academic path in life. Well, aside from the fact that he creepily doesn't open his mouth very wide when he speaks and anyone who watches Sesame knows that articulation and animation of face are key components.

ANYWAYS, this man, who assumedly lives with his mother or a herd of cats, never fails to amuse me or Alex during class discussion. He has come up with some gems:

"Well, as the Beatles say... All you need is GLOVE!"
(This is in reference to the Shakespeare family's legacy of glovemaking. The "joke" was followed by raucous laughter from select ass-kissing English majors)

"Have you guys ever tried rhyme?"
(Ok.. I'm not sure how to approach this. Have I ever tried rhyme.. when? Today? Ever? If you mean ever, then YES, I'VE TRIED RHYME, YOU ASS. If you mean today then, well, I haven't necessarily TRIED to rhyme, but perhaps at some point I inadvertantly did. Either way, what the hell kind of question is that in a college literature class?)

"So Shakespeare began his writing in the 1500s, which is the 16th century. I know this sounds confusing. Let me elaborate. So the 1400s are the 15th century, the 1500s are the 16th century, the 1600s are the 17th century and so on. The discrepency falls in the first century, which were the years 0-100. So when it was time for the second century, the years ended up being 100-199."
(OHHHHH, so that explains it. God, I've lived nearly 22 years and never had to learn that before)

The thing that makes this class the worst, is that despite the ridiculous things he says, and despite the fact that he doesn't know a single teaching technique beyond standing in the front of the room and asking, "Ok, so what else stood out from the text?" after each person in the class responds for an hour and forty minutes, and despite the fact that I don't have service in the room so I have to rely on doodling to pass this waste of time, is that there are people in the room that genuinely think he is a funny, brilliant professor. As this class continues I may have to take a tip from someone like Juliet or Lucrece and do myself in before I can't take it anymore, either.

Moving on to a part of my life that is more dear to me. I know this must sound sarcastic since I clearly treasure my Shakespearian education, but it's actually not.

My babies at the Child Center are the most adorable ever. Three is the BEST age. I have learned so much from the little guys. For example, I had NO idea that once kids grew up their penises disappeared. I learned this from one of the little boys, who came to this conclusion because his mother does NOT, in fact, have a penis in her old age. Another interesting thing that I learned today is that even though if the tongue of my sneaker is even a little out of place, I'm really uncomfortable, a three-year-old can run around for two hours with his shoes on the wrong feet and feel great. I've also learned that when kids like books they memorize the crap out of them. To get out of reading a book to one of the little girls today I skipped about twelve pages when she looked away. Without missing a beat she told me that I skipped a lot. I'm a horrible person.

My job teaching dance classes to kindergarteners is also amazing. I get paid $40 a class to sit there while kids jump around the Camp Rock and Ho Down Throw Down for 40 minutes. I want to kiss whoever allotted that much money per class in the After School Enrichment Program on the mouth.


At risk of losing your interest, I'm going to conclude this blog.

-Jess