Well this is embarassing.
I went to Campus Nails last night for an appointment and the little Asian lady that is taking care of me tells me (not asks me) "I wax your lip." Actually, I suppose that could have been meant as a question. The syntax.. well.. whatever.
So I responded, "Really?"
And she says, "Yes. You have lot of hair."
So I cave. I mean, she's not wrong, though I never thought of myself to be one of those women with beastly mustaches. I decided that wax seemed an interesting alternative to bleach, so why not?
She does her thing and then proceeds to show me exactly how much hair she ripped off to prove her point.
I have a red spot, comparable to a Kool-Aid mustache for an hour.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Musings
The fifth grade is taking a sex education course in science that talks about changing bodies and how babies are created. I had a conversation with a fifth grader at lunch yesterday that went as follows:
5th grader: Hey, do you know what we're learning about (chuckles)
Me: Yes, I know what you're learning about.
5th grader: Oh yeah? What are we learning about?
Me: Just go sit down. It's not necessary to discuss right now.
5th grader: It's something that we can't talk to little kids about.
Me: Yes, I know. Go sit.
5th grader: It's ancient Greece!
Me: Exactly. Little kids can't handle the truth about ancient Greece.
5th grader: Do you know about our special science unit?
Me: Yes, I know about your special science unit.
5th grader: BAM CHICKA WAH WAH!
5th grader: Hey, do you know what we're learning about (chuckles)
Me: Yes, I know what you're learning about.
5th grader: Oh yeah? What are we learning about?
Me: Just go sit down. It's not necessary to discuss right now.
5th grader: It's something that we can't talk to little kids about.
Me: Yes, I know. Go sit.
5th grader: It's ancient Greece!
Me: Exactly. Little kids can't handle the truth about ancient Greece.
5th grader: Do you know about our special science unit?
Me: Yes, I know about your special science unit.
5th grader: BAM CHICKA WAH WAH!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Things I learned on my trip to Montreal
1) I am able to follow suit with every other family vacation and bump into someone I know, even if it is a small rest stop in Vermont where members of a Methodist church are selling baked goods and coffee.
2) St. Hubert's is never a let down. It is great for drinks, lunch, AND dinner, which is why we visited for all three of those things.
3) Celine Dion is an ever-present spirit of Canada. She presents herself through accordianists playing "My Heart Will Go On" on the Metro, and in the form of a chocolate cake called Gateau Celine, which is served in her restaurant chain, Nickels.
4) It is possible to leave an island by taxi.
5) When faced with the challenge of reading Rhiannon's handwriting, Hotel Gouverneur thought it more logical that there would be a roommate named Parn rather than Pam.
6) Crepes are great.
7) Montreal is home to World's Most Expensive Elevator.
8) There is a creature that is half cat half skunk.
9) Canada is ten years in the past musically. It is also prone to playing hits off the Austin Powers Goldmember soundtrack.
10) Groups of around twenty skeezy old men situate themselves in open-windowed bars to hoot and holler at female passersby.
11) The Royal Ascot game at the Casino is severely addictive, especially when one of the fake horses shares the same name as the person betting on it (i.e. Pam's Pride)
12) There are, in fact, lesbians in Canada. The horrible, horrible boys on the bus ride with us felt it necessary to exclaim this fact in not-so-nice terms.
13) Bambi (yes, there was a person actually named Bambi on our bus) has a 2.92 GPA and thinks Mariah Carey's tourbus is da bomb. Gotta love girls from Everett.
14) It is possible to cross the border with nothing but a college ID. It is also possible for a person to become angry and confused when the border patrol members demand to see more ID. Maybe next time I'll try to cross with my Stop N Shop card.
15) Molson beer is awesome.
16) Harry Potter references are always valid, especially when we played real Wizard's Chess.
17) Chelsie is a little angel.
18) Jews apparently run the sex industry in Canada. We learned this in one of the eight-hundred sex shops lining the gay district on Saint Catherine Street.
19) We also learned from the sex shop workers that the most effective pheromone perfume is your lady juice. (This theory has not been tested)
20) Canadian bathrooms have black lights in them because it make it very difficult to locate your veins when attempting your daily heroine fix.
21) Jen would marry a Jew, but she really likes Christmas
22) A good safe word (or phrase) to have when out at a club with your girlfriends is, "Where is Big Tony?"
23) The silver robot that poses in the park for money turns into a human when standing in the shade.
24) The purpose of a silo is to pile up dead corpses of farm animals.
25) Sometimes banana muffins end up tasting like cigarettes.
26) "Back in 15 minutes" sometimes means "Never coming back"
27) It is socially acceptable to walk around Montreal dressed as Dracula and his bride.
28) The first 45 minutes of Quebec looks like Oklahoma.
29) It is inappropriate to sing "Proud to be an American" when entering a Canadian hotel, though what can you expect from a group of people that yell "THERE ARE DYKES IN CANADA" on a packed bus?
30) Canada has lots of matching bikes.
31) The "Glass Floor" at the casino is far less impressive than it sounds.
32) Smoking pot on the street in Canada is totally tolerated. And people do it a LOT.
33) Napkins are a great tool for illustrating to someone how to masturbate. St. Hubert's got a pretty graphic drawing left on the table.
34) For some reason, the temperature doesn't change as the sun goes down in Montreal.
35) It is totally fine to be drunk at 2pm on a Saturday. It is also fine to be drunk at 4pm on a Saturday.
36) Fries are served with gravy. It is awesome and makes you feel like a fatass all at the same, glorious time.
37) If you read something you can't understand it's probably "some Canadian bullshit" (another gem from our friends on the bus)
38) A great "That's what she said" comes after someone says "There was an explosion of cream in my mouth"
39) Montreal is awesome.
2) St. Hubert's is never a let down. It is great for drinks, lunch, AND dinner, which is why we visited for all three of those things.
3) Celine Dion is an ever-present spirit of Canada. She presents herself through accordianists playing "My Heart Will Go On" on the Metro, and in the form of a chocolate cake called Gateau Celine, which is served in her restaurant chain, Nickels.
4) It is possible to leave an island by taxi.
5) When faced with the challenge of reading Rhiannon's handwriting, Hotel Gouverneur thought it more logical that there would be a roommate named Parn rather than Pam.
6) Crepes are great.
7) Montreal is home to World's Most Expensive Elevator.
8) There is a creature that is half cat half skunk.
9) Canada is ten years in the past musically. It is also prone to playing hits off the Austin Powers Goldmember soundtrack.
10) Groups of around twenty skeezy old men situate themselves in open-windowed bars to hoot and holler at female passersby.
11) The Royal Ascot game at the Casino is severely addictive, especially when one of the fake horses shares the same name as the person betting on it (i.e. Pam's Pride)
12) There are, in fact, lesbians in Canada. The horrible, horrible boys on the bus ride with us felt it necessary to exclaim this fact in not-so-nice terms.
13) Bambi (yes, there was a person actually named Bambi on our bus) has a 2.92 GPA and thinks Mariah Carey's tourbus is da bomb. Gotta love girls from Everett.
14) It is possible to cross the border with nothing but a college ID. It is also possible for a person to become angry and confused when the border patrol members demand to see more ID. Maybe next time I'll try to cross with my Stop N Shop card.
15) Molson beer is awesome.
16) Harry Potter references are always valid, especially when we played real Wizard's Chess.
17) Chelsie is a little angel.
18) Jews apparently run the sex industry in Canada. We learned this in one of the eight-hundred sex shops lining the gay district on Saint Catherine Street.
19) We also learned from the sex shop workers that the most effective pheromone perfume is your lady juice. (This theory has not been tested)
20) Canadian bathrooms have black lights in them because it make it very difficult to locate your veins when attempting your daily heroine fix.
21) Jen would marry a Jew, but she really likes Christmas
22) A good safe word (or phrase) to have when out at a club with your girlfriends is, "Where is Big Tony?"
23) The silver robot that poses in the park for money turns into a human when standing in the shade.
24) The purpose of a silo is to pile up dead corpses of farm animals.
25) Sometimes banana muffins end up tasting like cigarettes.
26) "Back in 15 minutes" sometimes means "Never coming back"
27) It is socially acceptable to walk around Montreal dressed as Dracula and his bride.
28) The first 45 minutes of Quebec looks like Oklahoma.
29) It is inappropriate to sing "Proud to be an American" when entering a Canadian hotel, though what can you expect from a group of people that yell "THERE ARE DYKES IN CANADA" on a packed bus?
30) Canada has lots of matching bikes.
31) The "Glass Floor" at the casino is far less impressive than it sounds.
32) Smoking pot on the street in Canada is totally tolerated. And people do it a LOT.
33) Napkins are a great tool for illustrating to someone how to masturbate. St. Hubert's got a pretty graphic drawing left on the table.
34) For some reason, the temperature doesn't change as the sun goes down in Montreal.
35) It is totally fine to be drunk at 2pm on a Saturday. It is also fine to be drunk at 4pm on a Saturday.
36) Fries are served with gravy. It is awesome and makes you feel like a fatass all at the same, glorious time.
37) If you read something you can't understand it's probably "some Canadian bullshit" (another gem from our friends on the bus)
38) A great "That's what she said" comes after someone says "There was an explosion of cream in my mouth"
39) Montreal is awesome.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Eartha Kitt Sighting
I think Eartha Kitt must be a huge party animal as I saw her at 7:15 this morning wearing the same bright orange polo shirt and bucket hat that she was wearing last night. Or she just sleeps in her clothes.
She was playing charades with the conceirge. It is unclear whether it was for communication purposes or just to get some kicks out of a Thursday morning.
She was playing charades with the conceirge. It is unclear whether it was for communication purposes or just to get some kicks out of a Thursday morning.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Oblivion and the Art of Procrastination
With the event season completed, my tasks within the office have severely diminished. My one task for the day is data entry - something I have never been able to accomplish in a timely manner due to the overwhelming stores of knowledge available on the internet. Or, in truth, the compelling desire to read every post on textsfromlastnight.com coupled with the necessity of checking facebook 4-17 times a day.
One thing to say for hours of data entry is that I can now officially claim the title of "Master Procrastinator". I've acvtually become quite wordly, because when the old stand-bys give me nothing new to waste time on, I've started reading the news. And movie plots. I don't think there is any movie coming out within the year that I haven't read a synopsis for.
Anyway, so absorbed was I in my facebook stalking that I wasn't paying attention to which cup I was drinking out of on my desk. All morning.
Finally deciding to actually look at what I was consuming, I was slightly unnerved.
Don't ask how, or what, because I don't know, but there are at least 30 unidentified floating objects in the seemingly innocent styrofoam cup.
Blech.
-Annie
One thing to say for hours of data entry is that I can now officially claim the title of "Master Procrastinator". I've acvtually become quite wordly, because when the old stand-bys give me nothing new to waste time on, I've started reading the news. And movie plots. I don't think there is any movie coming out within the year that I haven't read a synopsis for.
Anyway, so absorbed was I in my facebook stalking that I wasn't paying attention to which cup I was drinking out of on my desk. All morning.
Finally deciding to actually look at what I was consuming, I was slightly unnerved.
Don't ask how, or what, because I don't know, but there are at least 30 unidentified floating objects in the seemingly innocent styrofoam cup.
Blech.
-Annie
Sighting
Location: The Runkle School lobby
Subjects: Sixty-Six Third Grade Students
Event: A recorder concert
Details: Sixty-Six recorders playing "My Heart Will Go On" makes quite a racket
Subjects: Sixty-Six Third Grade Students
Event: A recorder concert
Details: Sixty-Six recorders playing "My Heart Will Go On" makes quite a racket
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Eartha Kitt Sighting
Though she assumedly spent the day indoors, Eartha Kitt was wearing a weather-appropriate lime-green bucket hat.
NEWSFLASH: She does live in this building. She has a mailbox key (which I suppose we can't prove is really hers). She also has a lovely older lady friend* in the building.
*Friend: Someone who listens to and politely responds to Bwarlblahbrahhl
NEWSFLASH: She does live in this building. She has a mailbox key (which I suppose we can't prove is really hers). She also has a lovely older lady friend* in the building.
*Friend: Someone who listens to and politely responds to Bwarlblahbrahhl
Grievance
Why is the rat tail still a thing? I was under the presumption that rat tails had died alongside mushroom cuts toward the new millenium when I left grammar school. At least three kids within the 2nd-3rd grade range have said rat tail. I suppose that all boys must go through a rat tail/mushroom cut period of elementary school before graduating to the current "shaggy head" look or the traditional "ski slope" hairstyle that the 6th-8th grade boys all seem to have. It is a shame that bad hair seems to be a right of passage everyone needs to go through at some point.
Ironically, the father of two of the rat-tailled children (twins) just came to the office to pick them up. I must give them credit because their rat tails are in addition to mohawks.
Ironically, the father of two of the rat-tailled children (twins) just came to the office to pick them up. I must give them credit because their rat tails are in addition to mohawks.
Sighting
Location: The Runkle School lobby
Subjects: Two Seventh Grade Boys
Event: A fist fight
Cause: A dispute over a bottle of apple juice
Subjects: Two Seventh Grade Boys
Event: A fist fight
Cause: A dispute over a bottle of apple juice
Eartha Kitt and the English Language
I didn't see Eartha Kitt in the lobby this morning when I left for work, which leads me to believe that she does, in fact, live somewhere in the building, or around it. But I also wouldn't be surprised if she was watching me from behind some tall fern, or lurking in the mailbox hallway (which is where Jess and I first heard her utter mrawlblarghblargh and point animatedly at our mailbox.)
This could very well be paranoia talking, but I always have the distinct feeling that she's watching me from behind those big, bug-like glasses she wears under the hat.
On another note, I feel like I should address my inability to properly speak the English language for those of you who haven't had the privledge of hearing some form of nonsense come out of my mouth.
Most of the time (though not all) the nonsense can be categorized into three groups:
1. completely made up words (pinetrapple)
2. an infusion of two completely unrelated words
3. a yoda-like mix up of a sentence (this goes one of two ways - the order of the sentence makes no sense, or I confuse the first letters of different words)
My friend Maggie's dad tried to explain this to me once. We were discussing how I should consider hostong a talk show, when I said "I mix words up too much to be a talk hoe shoast" (case in point). His response: "You don't mix up words more than anyone else, you just talk more than most people."
hmph.
I wonder if this is how Eartha Kitt's ridiculous muttering started. In 50 years I could very well be a hotel-lobby lurker muttering mrawlblarghblargh at unsuspecting tenants.
This could very well be paranoia talking, but I always have the distinct feeling that she's watching me from behind those big, bug-like glasses she wears under the hat.
On another note, I feel like I should address my inability to properly speak the English language for those of you who haven't had the privledge of hearing some form of nonsense come out of my mouth.
Most of the time (though not all) the nonsense can be categorized into three groups:
1. completely made up words (pinetrapple)
2. an infusion of two completely unrelated words
3. a yoda-like mix up of a sentence (this goes one of two ways - the order of the sentence makes no sense, or I confuse the first letters of different words)
My friend Maggie's dad tried to explain this to me once. We were discussing how I should consider hostong a talk show, when I said "I mix words up too much to be a talk hoe shoast" (case in point). His response: "You don't mix up words more than anyone else, you just talk more than most people."
hmph.
I wonder if this is how Eartha Kitt's ridiculous muttering started. In 50 years I could very well be a hotel-lobby lurker muttering mrawlblarghblargh at unsuspecting tenants.
Things Annie Tried To Say
She tried to say: "A: Are you high? and B: Are you five?"
She actually said: "A: Are you high? and four five"
She actually said: "A: Are you high? and four five"
Monday, May 18, 2009
Grievance
The staff bathrooms at work are awfully teeny. It is simply a one-seater with all the essentials and an unfortunately heavy door. This means that whenever I need to use the bathroom there is a risk that I will either have to wait for someone to finish their business, or even worse, someone will have to wait for me. It is already bad enough that I have pee anxiety in public, but when I know a busy teacher is tapping her toe outside the door, I find it terribly awkward.
Alas, this isn't the main purpose for this entry. I find on far too many occasions that I enter this bathroom about three minutes after someone does a number two. Since the door is heavy, the small gas chamber is incapable of airing out. It is already bad enough that I must hold my breath while I am in there, but I find that the time that someone is most often tapping their toes outside the door is when I am in a position such as this. Then I must exit the bathroom followed by someone else's stink with the person waiting behind me silently holding me responsible for it.
If I didn't have such an intense fear of dehydration I wouldn't run into this problem!
Jess
Alas, this isn't the main purpose for this entry. I find on far too many occasions that I enter this bathroom about three minutes after someone does a number two. Since the door is heavy, the small gas chamber is incapable of airing out. It is already bad enough that I must hold my breath while I am in there, but I find that the time that someone is most often tapping their toes outside the door is when I am in a position such as this. Then I must exit the bathroom followed by someone else's stink with the person waiting behind me silently holding me responsible for it.
If I didn't have such an intense fear of dehydration I wouldn't run into this problem!
Jess
Greetings
Welcome to our blog. Here we will discuss general musings, grievances, Eartha Kitt sightings, objects found daily in our beds, things Annie tried to say this week, and much much more.
I would like to take this time to preface much of what you'll be hearing about in the future of our blog. This will be your lexicon of background knowledge.
First and foremost,
PINETRAPPLE: This word encompasses Annie's general inability to coherently speak.
EARTHA KITT: No, we are not visited by the spirit of the late Eartha Kitt. HOWEVER, there is a woman, who we aren't even sure is a resident of our building, that lingers constantly in our lobby. And she looks like Eartha Kitt. We would get her real name, but due to her inability to speak as she has but a single tooth, we can not. She is generally found inarticulately mumbling at the conceirge, at residents checking their mail, and dons a straw hat and polo shirt.
OBJECTS IN OUR BED: We can see where this could become misinterpreted. Annie and I were raised with twin-sized beds. We came to college and were given twin-sized beds. Now we live in apartment where our beds are nearly twice the size! Both our beds have somehow served as additional storage spaces to different objects such as (but not limited to) the following: A flashlight, two Twilight books, clothing, tissues, stuffed animals (that don't belong to us), and more.
OUR LIVING SITUATION: This is rather comical. We have lived the past three weeks with a grand total of five boys on and off. The first week Annie and I shared a bed and slept in a room with a boy named Greg. We have no couches, all of the chairs were stolen from dumpsters, we share a key, had no working computers for nearly a week, have dangerously thin walls, but have a gorgeous flat-screen tv.
Well thanks for tuning in. Feel free to use this initial entry as a footnote whenever our blog goes over your head.
I would like to take this time to preface much of what you'll be hearing about in the future of our blog. This will be your lexicon of background knowledge.
First and foremost,
PINETRAPPLE: This word encompasses Annie's general inability to coherently speak.
EARTHA KITT: No, we are not visited by the spirit of the late Eartha Kitt. HOWEVER, there is a woman, who we aren't even sure is a resident of our building, that lingers constantly in our lobby. And she looks like Eartha Kitt. We would get her real name, but due to her inability to speak as she has but a single tooth, we can not. She is generally found inarticulately mumbling at the conceirge, at residents checking their mail, and dons a straw hat and polo shirt.
OBJECTS IN OUR BED: We can see where this could become misinterpreted. Annie and I were raised with twin-sized beds. We came to college and were given twin-sized beds. Now we live in apartment where our beds are nearly twice the size! Both our beds have somehow served as additional storage spaces to different objects such as (but not limited to) the following: A flashlight, two Twilight books, clothing, tissues, stuffed animals (that don't belong to us), and more.
OUR LIVING SITUATION: This is rather comical. We have lived the past three weeks with a grand total of five boys on and off. The first week Annie and I shared a bed and slept in a room with a boy named Greg. We have no couches, all of the chairs were stolen from dumpsters, we share a key, had no working computers for nearly a week, have dangerously thin walls, but have a gorgeous flat-screen tv.
Well thanks for tuning in. Feel free to use this initial entry as a footnote whenever our blog goes over your head.
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