The Hesitate Song

Pam, Mitch, and I have been at Universal the past two days--Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios respectively. I'd like to share some musings from our experiences.

Bill Paxton. Watch the following video. I have noted the appropriate places to take note of what the presumed interchanges between Bill and the director were.

First of all 0:55- Thank you Twister ride for beginning our "adventure" by showing us the most depressing clip from the entire film.

1:37-
Director: Ok, Bill. Enter the shot and find a comfortable position.

2:12-
Director: Bill. Look to your left at Helen.
Bill: But Helen is not there.
Director: Right, but during the attraction she will be.
Bill: I don't understand.
Director: Act like Helen is standing to your left.
Bill: Act?
Director: Sorry, PRETEND that Helen is to your left.
Bill: Ok. Hey, Helen.
Director: No, don't talk to her!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc2VqBxkwBE&feature=related

Hillbilly Babies. We were behind the World's luckiest babies. Not because they were rich. Not because they were smart. But because they had triumphantly won Genetic Russian Roulette. Their mother was a squat red head. Their father's teeth started rotting about fifteen years ago, around the same time that his hair started to fall out. And somehow, their two little girls were the most adorable, filled-with-potential babies I've ever encountered.

Shim. Universal Studios just opened this bitchin roller coaster called the Hollywood Rip Ride RockIt. Clever. Basically you get to select the music you listen to as you ride and the ride is filmed for you to keep forever. (http://www.hollywoodripriderockit.com/#/home) So since it opened yesterday or today or something we waited in a painfully long line. Behind us there was a crew of three Japanese... humans. The girl with bleach blonde hair, her boyfriend with a hot pink, very long fashion mullet, and a transgender (male to female) who assumedly had several steps left in ...her transformation. Mitch and Pam were both a bit nervous and wanted to sit with one another as there were only two seats per row so I decided to man up and take my own row. Unfortunately, this is not what happened. I made a music video with the transgender.

Lack of Oxygen. There were tremendous thunder storms that kept holding up our ride experiences. One particular occasion was in line for Dueling Dragons where we were stuck in a narrow cave-dwelling of a line. Due to the lack of oxygen we raucously dreamed up all the scenarios in which JK Rowling could have outed Dumbledore to the world. Examples:

(While reading to children at a public library)
JK: And Dumbledore--footnote: gay--said to Harry...

(Making an important news announcement that aired over regular programming)
JK: I stand before the entire world today to share with you that Dumbledore, our beloved wizard and headmaster of the prestigious Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, is a mo.

You had to be there.

Sire. Pam says, "Hello, sire" to all.

Taylor. We went to Poseidon's Adventure, more affectionately known as Taylor's Adventure, where we gained an intense adoration for, well, Taylor. He prodded me in the dark with his flashlight, performed a stunning rendition of the Poseidon's Adventure cast monologue, and successfully dodged being included in the water and fire fight between Poseidon and the Dark Lord. What else could a girl want?

Jaws. In Amity we prepared to take what we thought was going to be a relaxing cruise around the harbor. WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Apparently everything. We were attacked by a shark. Our ride operator, named Hillary, acted as if this occurrence happened every 10 minutes from 9am until 7pm, which interestingly enough meant that she wasn't "acting" at all. We got a couple of monotonous "ohno. i'veneverseenthishappenbefore"s. She really killed my buzz.

Christopher Walken. Immediately when I found out that Christopher Walken was the "star" of the Disaster! attraction I became excited. However, I'm currently insanely perplexed about whether or not he was actually in the room with me. I am well aware that I was supposedly watching a hologram, but at the same time, what the heck! Watch for yourself (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XckrW82oBCs) Technology!

Mumma Mia. Being the hilarious people that we are, while in line for The Mummy the three of us noticed that a portion of the line was caught, unbeknownst to the subjects, on camera and shown in a different part of line. We figured out the part of the line where we'd be filmed and walked around like mummies to provide entertainment for those watching. When we arrived at the loading station we were made aware that we had chosen the wrong place and were walking like mummies for our own amusement. We were filmed as our raw selves where the camera actually was.

Cat in the Hat. During some downpour we decided to seek refuge in the Cat in the Hat ride. Mitch explained that the ride takes you through the story. Pam proceeded to ask, "Which story is it?" We told her it was the Lorax. Mitch also suggested that I film in the ride. I began to when suddenly a disembodied voice told me that filming was not permitted.

International Cuisine. I just thought it amusing that when we went into a restaurant claiming to be international--it did don the flags of many, many countries outside--and I was feverishly craving Mexican food, we found that by international they meant American, Italian, and Chinese. Each genre provided three different food options. We got salad.

Mazel Tov. When we got to the Spiderman ride we were provided the option of going in the regular entrance or the "single riders" entrance. Being unattached (except Mitch) we got in the Single Riders lane. We joked about the Friends episode where Phoebe questions the pronunciation of Spiderman and began pronouncing it "Speedermin" and deemed the ride Speedermin's bar mitzvah. On this ride we witnessed Speedermin become a man. His Zadie sure spent lots of money on the party supplies.


I love vacation.

Fin.