Things I learned on my trip to Montreal

1) I am able to follow suit with every other family vacation and bump into someone I know, even if it is a small rest stop in Vermont where members of a Methodist church are selling baked goods and coffee.

2) St. Hubert's is never a let down. It is great for drinks, lunch, AND dinner, which is why we visited for all three of those things.

3) Celine Dion is an ever-present spirit of Canada. She presents herself through accordianists playing "My Heart Will Go On" on the Metro, and in the form of a chocolate cake called Gateau Celine, which is served in her restaurant chain, Nickels.

4) It is possible to leave an island by taxi.

5) When faced with the challenge of reading Rhiannon's handwriting, Hotel Gouverneur thought it more logical that there would be a roommate named Parn rather than Pam.

6) Crepes are great.

7) Montreal is home to World's Most Expensive Elevator.

8) There is a creature that is half cat half skunk.

9) Canada is ten years in the past musically. It is also prone to playing hits off the Austin Powers Goldmember soundtrack.

10) Groups of around twenty skeezy old men situate themselves in open-windowed bars to hoot and holler at female passersby.

11) The Royal Ascot game at the Casino is severely addictive, especially when one of the fake horses shares the same name as the person betting on it (i.e. Pam's Pride)

12) There are, in fact, lesbians in Canada. The horrible, horrible boys on the bus ride with us felt it necessary to exclaim this fact in not-so-nice terms.

13) Bambi (yes, there was a person actually named Bambi on our bus) has a 2.92 GPA and thinks Mariah Carey's tourbus is da bomb. Gotta love girls from Everett.

14) It is possible to cross the border with nothing but a college ID. It is also possible for a person to become angry and confused when the border patrol members demand to see more ID. Maybe next time I'll try to cross with my Stop N Shop card.

15) Molson beer is awesome.

16) Harry Potter references are always valid, especially when we played real Wizard's Chess.

17) Chelsie is a little angel.

18) Jews apparently run the sex industry in Canada. We learned this in one of the eight-hundred sex shops lining the gay district on Saint Catherine Street.

19) We also learned from the sex shop workers that the most effective pheromone perfume is your lady juice. (This theory has not been tested)

20) Canadian bathrooms have black lights in them because it make it very difficult to locate your veins when attempting your daily heroine fix.

21) Jen would marry a Jew, but she really likes Christmas

22) A good safe word (or phrase) to have when out at a club with your girlfriends is, "Where is Big Tony?"

23) The silver robot that poses in the park for money turns into a human when standing in the shade.

24) The purpose of a silo is to pile up dead corpses of farm animals.

25) Sometimes banana muffins end up tasting like cigarettes.

26) "Back in 15 minutes" sometimes means "Never coming back"

27) It is socially acceptable to walk around Montreal dressed as Dracula and his bride.

28) The first 45 minutes of Quebec looks like Oklahoma.

29) It is inappropriate to sing "Proud to be an American" when entering a Canadian hotel, though what can you expect from a group of people that yell "THERE ARE DYKES IN CANADA" on a packed bus?

30) Canada has lots of matching bikes.

31) The "Glass Floor" at the casino is far less impressive than it sounds.

32) Smoking pot on the street in Canada is totally tolerated. And people do it a LOT.

33) Napkins are a great tool for illustrating to someone how to masturbate. St. Hubert's got a pretty graphic drawing left on the table.

34) For some reason, the temperature doesn't change as the sun goes down in Montreal.

35) It is totally fine to be drunk at 2pm on a Saturday. It is also fine to be drunk at 4pm on a Saturday.

36) Fries are served with gravy. It is awesome and makes you feel like a fatass all at the same, glorious time.

37) If you read something you can't understand it's probably "some Canadian bullshit" (another gem from our friends on the bus)

38) A great "That's what she said" comes after someone says "There was an explosion of cream in my mouth"

39) Montreal is awesome.